More to Life at Work

It's been a long time - but here I am again!

I have discovered that when you stop blogging, it's similar to when you stop exercising! It's so hard to get back and begin again. Why that should be, I don't really know, but hey - I am back. It's been a long time since I was in New Hampshire - no more Innkeeping for me!

I was nudged along the way when I was sent an offer for a free blogging course from Mark Joyner and the folks at Simpology, that I am sending along to you:

Since I believe that things happen for a reason, I decided that the reason I found the offer for Mark Joyner's free blogging course was that I needed to get back on the virtual page! And, Mark always provides great value.

I have been traveling through a life/career/spiritual transition for quite a while now and here is where I am now:

• I have returned to the Mid Hudson Valley of New York. The mountains, open sky, and calmer pace do my heart good!
• Upon my return, I decided that I needed an anchor to ground myself during this time of change and so...
• I am now the Executive Director of Jewish Family Services of Ulster County - a part time role in a small non-profit social work agency that services people of all faiths - with a special focus on the "mature" adults in our community as well as caregivers.  It has been quite rewarding to return to my social work roots and to be engaged in community building as well as in capacity buiding for the agency.  It uses all my years of business experience, organizational development,coaching and networking plus my clincial social work skills. It is rewarding work.
• I continue to coach people who are in Transition themselves. My clients tend to be  "seekers" who want to engage in their lives and work in deeper and more meaningful ways. The portal to more meaning and depth can be through their personal lives, their work, or their relationships - all paths lead home!
• I am in the midst of writing 2 books! Like writing one is not enough! As the cover of my book states, one is called, "More to Life at Work: 4 Pathways for Deeper Meaning & Joy in Your Livelihood" and the other is Hiring Intelligence: A Proven System to Make Brilliant Hires.
• And...I am still seeking!

Please send along some comments and tell me what you are up to!

Create Success by Choice - Not by Chance!

Leslie

Forgiveness as a Healing

Lost and Found

Present Tense:

Here I am, in New Hampshire , being an Innkeeper part time and working to re-design my life and my work in the rest of the time.

I am a terrific guide for others. I can see where they can go and what it will take to get there. I can hold the space for them until they are ready to enter it and once there I can walk along with them as they build their lives anew.

 

However, truth be told, I find it much more difficult to do for myself. My struggles don't invalidate what I am holding out to you, it just confirms that there are no exceptions. Moving from one form of being and doing to another is painful, and confusing. It is full of doubt where before there was certainty and often failure before you realize success again. And, just to be clear, success this time around may not look like success did earlier in your life

 

 

In the movement towards more life we often feel less. Longing for the clear trajectory to arrive at a meaningful destination, we often can't even define, much less believe, that there is a destination so…how can there possibly be a trajectory?

 

Often, we have to endure being a heat seeking rocket – an object seemingly gone awry chasing an illusive and deceptive target. Yet, if given time, faith and courage it can find the next perfect place to hone in. Yes, "next perfect place" - not endpoint. If we are willing to keep growing, looking inside ourselves and questioning what we see - there is no end game. Yes, my friends, it is all about being engaged in process and that means continual change and new morphing forms.

 

 

So, how did I get to the Inn? Interesting implications about the term INN, but that is for another post.

 

About five years ago, aspects of my life and work began to unravel. As Sara Davidson discusses in her wonderful book, LEAP: What Do We Do With the Rest of Our Lives?, I found that what had served me for many years, just wasn't working anymore, or it wasn't working as well as it had. It felt like I was falling through the rabbit hole and entering a new reality, as did Alice. However, for me, there was less Wonder and more Wander.

 

Over the past 5 years I have felt found and then again lost. Like a snake shedding skins, but the shedding is neither predictable nor seasonal. It just keeps going on – skin after skin, layer after layer. Until, now when I feel that I have shed much of what had defined me and kept me feeling safe, I realize that in many ways I am more defined and far less safe.

 

 

Remember that old refrain, "Freedom is just another word for having nothing left to lose". That's where I find myself – free in a way that I have never been, un-tethered as never before and alternating between high creativity and high anxiety.

 

 

 

Lessons from the Innkeeper:

 

I came here ostensibly to run a small B&B, a long time fantasy and a basically safe way of experiencing, it not being the owner. I don't have to pay for the leaking roof, the frozen pipes, or the peeling paint. I came here to down-shift, and finish this book that has been living in my head and heart for years and recalibrate my destination in life.

 

 

However, no sooner did I arrive than I began to take on the intensity of "ownership". I wanted it great. I wanted everything to be shining and lovely. I wanted guests who were delighted and enthralled with my creative breakfasts. In other words, I got lost in the desire to define myself by this new experience. I realized after much struggle and disappointment that I was seeking a new skin that would show me and the world that I had "it". Whatever "it " was.

 

 

What stopped me dead in my manic tracks?

 

 

The owners, who after saying they wanted to build the "business" which had been stumbling along for years, decided that it , or maybe me, were too much work and they said, "Stop". No marketing, No networking, No nothing - Just answer calls, take whatever reservations come in, be nice to people, spend less than $8.00 per person on food and only use just-in-time household help before people arrive. "What! Were they crazy, this is no way to build a business", I thought! Why was I here then? If I couldn't change things – then what?

 

 

The What is turning out to be just what I needed. A roof over my head without overhead and stress; living in a beautiful area where there is quiet and peace and a chance to take a deep breath for several months; finish this book, and perhaps find the heated object of my desire. More to Life at Work, I am discovering is not attaching to yet another Mission-Impossible. It is to find the Mission-Meaningful.

 

Even though I knew that, I forgot it again. Funny how that happens. The outside does not design the inside. I wouldn't be any better or worse, smarter or more successful if the Inn fulfilled my fantasies or if it just stayed the way it always was – with the exception of my being here and bringing whatever uniqueness, caring, and beauty that came along with me.

 

And, when it is over – it is over. But, I will not be over.I will be further down the path than I was when I arrived. I will have gathered more experience, seen myself through yet another prism, taken my measure anew and made some important course corrections.

 

 

After all, isn't that just about as much as any of us can really wish for.

 

 

Do You Suffer from Workplace Influenza?

Do you suffer from any of these symptoms:

1. your experience of work is being leeched of its meaning;
2. your personal authenticity is cloaked;
3. you are pained by integrity challenges; loss of caring and connection;
4. you feel purposelessness and adrift.
5. you experience a deadening malaise?
6. and, are you aware that this malady is infectiousness and that we can easily spread it to others both inside and outside of work?

Let me be straight forward. If you are expecting your organization, a new job, a new client, or a challenging project to be the source of a lasting antidote to workplace influenza, I think you will be waiting for a long time, if ever, for a cure.

      

YOU ARE THE CURE

You already possess the cure. Inside you resides the antidote to lifeless work.  But you must be willing to take the journey to re-claim your life. Are you ready for the journey to meaning?

      

Consider what it takes to be ready:

·         It usually starts when your heart is telling you that it is hurting, or closed, or frightened and even so, finding the courage to ready yourself to face the unknown and keep on moving.

·         A willingness to consider new thoughts, new ways of being, the options of others.

·         Trying on new behaviors, fighting old beliefs, doing your homework, being uncomfortable and feeling "stupid" or awkward.

·         Failing, coming up short, frustration and anger, yet coming back for more.

·         Keeping your eyes firmly fixed on your vision of what you want in your life at work like a north star to guide you home.

This is not a journey of self-recrimination or self-flagellation. Those thoughts are self defeating and actually serve as defenses against taking meaningful action and claiming responsibility. In other words, wearing the hair-shirt and uttering mea culpa or embracing victim hood is a substitute for change, rather than a catalyst of change. 

This is a journey to changing life for the better from within. As you become more of the person you wish to be you will discover the success and happiness you seek. And, you will contribute to the good of "all" at the very same time. 

      

When we think about creating what our heart yearns for, we often say to ourselves and others, "That will never happen. I am dreaming. Stop making yourself more miserable,. Get back to reality".

    

In some ways, changing our experience of "reality" is a dream and it's also a miracle.

We have forgotten that human beings can have transcendent experiences. That our brains can create our realities and that our attitudes, beliefs and habits all impose a filter on what we call reality. Change your way of approaching life and the way you habitually think about things and, presto, your reality changes!

It has been scientifically confirmed that what we think about expands. And, in the world of quantum physics the mere act of observing changes that which is observed! In other words, everything is connected to everything and we have the power to create the equivalent of miracles in our lives – every day.

I recently read a fascinating interview posted on the web by Celeste Adams, Spirit of Ma'at, with Dr. Michael Abrams called, The Twelve Conditions of a Miracle. It is founded on an analysis of religious text found in the Gospel according to St. Matthew about the Miracle of Loaves and Fishes. Yet, it is truly a treasure map which can lead to miraculous things in your life, and as Dr. Abrams says, "…beyond your wildest dreams."

He studied the original Greek text of the Gospel and he discovered that the word "logos" that was translated in the New Testament as simply "the word", actually had much more in depth translations and meanings in the original text. In the Greek account, according to Abrams, Jesus was teaching mankind that we each have the ability to create miracles in our lives. Abrams postulates twelve conditions and without knowing it, I have taught and worked with others about these conditions, in different ways, for a very long time.

I believe that they are the foundation for creating More to Life in relationship to anything we wish to transform in our lives. Here they are, within my context, see what you think.

The Twelve Conditions

1.       Emptiness. Working to establishing stillness; to quiet the mind and work towards being open. That's what practices such as meditation, yoga, mantras, even music and art create within us. To create emptiness is to create an opening, a void and into that new space creativity, aliveness, and new realizations rush in. As Abrams notes, vacuums are like magnets, they create a force that attracts. The emptier the vacuum the greater power of a force it exerts "on the surrounding work".

2.       Alignment. This means assessing your values, essence, and desires with the intent of being "in flow", moving with and not against the current of the universe. Let's say you are craving work that is meaningful and authentic. Evaluate what you are doing now and honestly assess whether your actions or thoughts are moving towards or away from what you say you desire. Adjust your actions, work on changing your thoughts, set new goals that will move you towards the fulfillment of your desired outcomes.

3.       Asking. When we hide what we really dream of or desire, when we don't ask, out loud in word and deed for what we really want, the universe will keep giving us what we have already. This isn't any weird new age babble, this is the truth. By asking, imagining, visualizing, sharing our dreams we put ourselves in the flow towards their accomplishment. State what you desire, be as specific as possible, imagine it in every fiber of your being and you will begin to attract the conditions, people, and opportunities to turn dreams into reality. Now, that is miraculous.

4.       Maximizing. As Deepak Chopra has said, "The universe has no spare parts". Everything we need is here already. When we learn to use the energy of the universe with gratitude and care, we reap the rewards. And, as Abrams so rightly states, "…if you don't use your gifts, you can expect to lose them."

5.       Giving. Giving creates more for everyone and upholds abundance and love. Hording and greed create fear, scarcity, and the conditions where only some "win" and all the others "lose". Your gifts are meant to be shared.

6.       Grounding. We need to find ways of being both firmly planted in the world and in the universe. Haven't you met people and thought or even told them, "You are so grounded". We can feel it, we know that it has power, and it roots us deeply so that we can flourish magnificently. The more you build your belief that you can become the change you want, the more power will flow towards you.

7.       Seeing. This directly involves visualizing – seeing with great clarity and detail what you want in your life, world, relationships. Our culture, media, politicians and other forces in contemporary life flood us and try to magnetize us towards the negative and towards fear. People in fear are much easier to control than people who learn how to see what is in their highest interest and the highest good of all concerned. When we "see" what we hate, fear, and don't understand we shrink and become less. Those who "see" as did Martin Luther King – become transcendent, inspirational, and empower others to great heights. Which would you prefer?

8.       Gratitude. Meister Echardt said, "If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that will suffice." Jack Canfield, the co-author of The Chicken Soup series says in the movie, The Secret that he begins each morning with gratitude. The universe responds to true appreciation and gratitude for what we have. Even in the worst of situations there is always something to be grateful for – a smile from a stranger, the laughter of children, a flower pushing itself through a crack in the pavement. When we are negative or take things for granted, we often don't receive what we dream about.

9.       Acting As If. Here's something that is very difficult for most of us. To act, think and feel as if that which we desire has already arrived. As Jesus did. "He didn't wait for the bread and fish to multiply – he began to feed people with what he had." When we help ourselves we receive unimagined support. When we think about famous people from history to the current times - Abraham Lincoln, Benjamin Franklin, Winston Churchill, Harry Truman, Henry Ford, Maya Angelou, and Oprah. They act(ed) from a place of "acting as if". They began their journey – even accompanied by their doubts and fears – as if the end that they envisioned was already present.

10.   Engaging the Cycle. Native American wisemen knew that everything in life is in a circle. Everything we give, how we act towards others, and our belief in our destiny works in cycles like the seasons. Whatever goes around comes around – sometimes in highly unexpected ways. Life and energy are not linear – rather they flow in circularity and in cycles. Once we embrace that truth, we can create great things. As we sow, so we shall reap. And loss and death are part of that cycle as well. Lose a job, lose status, a business, a marriage, each is a "little death". But from death, as from winter, arises new growth and the cycle continues.

11.   Receiving. Being in a place of receiving is actually an act of great faith. We get what we expect. If we develop our ability to be open, ready and willing to accept the flow of what comes towards us, to learn its lessons and to remain engaged we can experience significant and positive changes, when before we only expected more of the same – the same dissatisfaction, the same anxiety, the same stress. And here we return again to emptiness. Find ways to still your mind – through exercise, meditation, art or looking at nature and that's when the best ideas arise, the clearest awareness, and often the plan of where to go next.

12.   Recycling. We tend to be a throw-away society. We crave an iPod and quickly dispose of it when the next new thing emerges. We magically believe that what we consume be it food, things and even people's spirits, that it is inexhaustible. It's not. Everything needs to be gathered and recycled. Nothing should be wasted or discarded – particularly your life. Once you have achieved one thing – don't freeze and stop, keep the flow ongoing.

Are you going to create a miracle today?  

I want things to feel better, but...

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.  Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And, most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Steve Jobs, CEO Apple Computer, Pixar Animation Stanford University Commencement Address June, 2005

Our yearnings are pretty much the same – even if what fulfills them is different. Each of us yearns to be successful and happier. Sounds right, doesn’t it? But, here’s the snag, many of us want increased success and happiness as long as we don’t have to change very much or to tolerate too much discomfort to achieve our desire.  We want things to be better; we just don’t relish the price we may have to pay to get there.

While you earnestly want to experience more success, caring, self-worth or

self-confidence, you also want to leapfrog over the messiness and awkwardness of creating something new in your life. You want "it, they and them", to shape up and change – but not you.

So, before we move on, I want to be really honest with you. To create the work, career, life and relationships you want, it’s you who must change first.

While this is more than possible, it is not for the faint-hearted, the self-absorbed or the self-righteous. Changing is a humbling experience.  It is not all skyrockets in flight, it’s often shoveling, well - you know what I mean.

If you want your work and life to be more fulfilling, more exciting, more lucrative, and more meaningful then you must work to release your ways of being that get in the way of your success. You must become more response-able in your relationships with family, friends, work colleagues, customers and others.

This book is about finding your Self.  It is about discovering who you are and can become when you face your fears, fight the negative self-talk; open to not knowing and find your courage to go for the life you really crave.

Finding meaning only happens when we for compassion, gratitude, generosity,integrity and openness to learning from others. We also must become willing to consider the greater good over personal aggrandizement. Commit to discovering "what's in it for all of us” and you can reap the rewards of the wonderful things that are in it for you.

Some Secrets to Jump Starting Creativity

Today, I read a great post by Brian Tracy - world famous author, speaker, and creative leader in The Golden Thread, the ezine from American Writers & Artists (www.awaionline.com) that always has provocative suggestions about writing, networking, copy-writing ideas and more.

I believe that we are all creative - although in different ways. Maybe you are a great cook. Perhaps you have created wonderful events that everyone has raved about. Creativity isn't just for writers and artists but is hardwired for each of us in different ways.

Tracy's article can be applied to all aspects of our lives. I enjoyed it so thoroughly that I wanted to share it with you. In Meeting Yourself on the Way to Work there are four (and maybe I will add a fifth) archetypes that are guides for living a deep and enriching life. They are (as of now) The Visionary, The Sage, The Healer, the Warrior and I am considering adding the Magician that oversees and interacts with each. Seen together these ways of being project an holistic view of what each of us already possesses and can develop more deeply and intentionally.

Creativity is an inherent aspect to each archetype. How we choose to use the aspects and wisdom of these ways of being is as varied as we are.

So, if you yearn to feel more creative. Or, you feel blocked and frustrated. Or, are merely curious, read on and learn from a master.

A GUIDE FOR CREATIVE THINKING
By Brian Tracy

Einstein said, "Every child is born a genius."

But the reason most people don't function at genius levels is because they're not aware of how creative and smart they can be.

By practicing a few simple exercises, you can start your creative juices flowing. And you'll amaze yourself by the quality and quantity of good ideas you come up with.

Keep in mind that your success in life is determined largely by the quantity of ideas you generate. The quality of ideas is secondary. If you have enough ideas, one or more of them will turn out to be prizewinners

What Is Creativity?

One of the best definitions of creativity is simply "improvement." You don't have to be super-smart to be creative. All you have to do is develop the ability to improve something in some way.

There are four parts to the creative process:

1. Preparation, where much of the work is done.
2. Cerebration (or reflection), where you turn matters over to your subconscious.
3. Realization, where ideas come to you.
4. Application, where you turn the creative idea into something worthwhile.

Of the four, preparation - gathering the right data and asking the right questions - is the most important.

Begin the preparation stage by asking focused questions like these:

• What am I trying to do?
• How am I trying to do it?
• What are my assumptions?
• What if my assumptions are wrong?

All improvements begin with questioning existing circumstances. If you're not making progress, for any reason, begin asking yourself hard questions that stimulate your mind to consider other possibilities.

A second necessity for building creativity is having intensely desired goals.

The more you want something and the clearer you are about it, the more likely you will be to generate ideas that move you toward it.

Any intense emotion - like desire - stimulates creativity and ideas to fulfill that desire. And the more you write and review your goals and plans, the more you'll see all kinds of possibilities for achieving those goals.

The third builder of creativity is having pressing problems.

When something is worrying you, thinking about what you could do immediately to begin easing that concern is a prime use of your creative powers.

So ask yourself, "What are the three biggest problems in my life today?" Write the answer in less than 30 seconds. When you answer a question in less than 30 seconds, your subconscious mind sorts out extraneous answers and gives you only the most important ones.

When you have your three most pressing problems, ask yourself, "What is the worst possible thing that can happen because of each of these problems?"

Then ask yourself, "What are all the things that I can do right now to lessen each of those problems?"

3 Keys to Success in Creativity

The first key to success in creative thinking is clarity. Take time to think through, discuss, and ask questions that clarify exactly what you are trying to accomplish and exactly what problems you are facing at the present moment. Just as fuzzy thinking leads to fuzzy answers, clear thinking leads to clear answers.

The second key is concentration. Put everything else aside and focus all your mental powers on solving one single problem, overcoming one particular obstacle, or achieving one important goal.

The ability to concentrate on a single objective without diversion or distraction is a hallmark of the superior thinker.

The third key is an open mind. The average person tends to be rigid and fixed in his thinking. The creative thinker remains very flexible and open to a variety of ways to approach problems. The average person tends to leap to conclusions, deciding there is only one way to achieve a particular goal. The superior thinker is patient and willing to consider a variety of options before adopting a strategy.

You are a genius. You were born with the potential for exceptional creativity. But your creative abilities are like muscles: They grow with use. Increase your creative powers by using them, over and over, in every situation, deliberately and specifically, until creativity and a creative response to life is as natural to you as breathing.

There are few things you can do that have a more powerful, positive impact on your entire life than becoming excellent at creative thinking. And you can do it ... if you think you can.

[Ed. Note: Brian Tracy - a legend in the fields of management, leadership, and sales - has produced more than 300 audio/video programs and has written 28 books, including his just-released "The Psychology of Selling."

To hear Brian's stimulating - and secret-packed - presentation from this year's FastTrack to Success Bootcamp, click http://www.awaionline.com/bootcampinyourhome 

Overclocking Your Brain

I was just sent an article called, "22 Ways to Overclock Your Brain" :http://ririanproject.com/2006/11/03/22-ways-to-overclok-your-brain/  . Now, there was a fascinating headline, don't you think? I did. Particularly because if we are overwhelmed, exhausted, or stressed to the max we not only don't perform very well, but we actually misfire.  And, if we want to learn new ways to be or to act that takes a lot of brain power and consciousness.

Here's some facts about our brains, from the ririanproject: "Your brain is more complicated than any computer we can imagine. Did you know that you have one hundred billion nerve cells in your brain, and every nerve cell has many connections to other nerve cells? In fact, your brain has more connections in it than there are stars in the universe! Optimizing your brain’s function is essential to being the best you can be, whether at work, in leisure, or in your relationships."

You must read the article, and here are the 22 Ways that are suggested for top brain performance:

1. Run Up Your Brain Cells
2. Exercise Your Mind
3. Ask Why
4. Laugh
5. Be a Fish Head
6. Remember
7. Cut the Fat
8. Do A Puzzle
9. The Mozart Effect
10. Improve Your Skills At Things You Already Do (great suggestion)
11. Be a Thinker, Not a Drinker
12. Play (Hang around children - they remind you how great play is)
13. Sleep On It
14. Concentration
15. Make Love For Your Brain (Maybe you want to rethink - I'm too tired)
16. Play with Passion!
17. Cycles of Consciousness
18. Learn Something New
19. Write to be Read (Journal, tell stories, write letters not email)
20. Try Aromatherapy to Activate Your Brain
21. Drugs to Increase Brainpower (Not the bad kind)
22. (and one of my favorites) Build a Brain Trust

What this all adds up to is that we have lots of control of our brainpower, energy, and capacity to to invent, learn and grow. And, these suggestions are pretty easy to do.

Put everything you have in service to your success.

Thank you to Patricia Kitchen of Newsday

I have had the privledge of being interviewed by Patricia Kitchen who writes a great column on Career for Newsday - the largest newspaper on Long Island.  Patricia and I recently had a chance to chat on the very important issue of reconnecting with people at this time of year - what works and what doesn't. Below you can read the entire article, and I am thrilled to be in the company of other great colleagues such as Duffy Spencer and Lucy Rosen.

I hope you find value in this article:

Making a 're-connection'

This is the time of year to make the most of your business sources, without pressure

Patricia Kitchen
Change@work

December 3, 2006

It may seem as though the holiday season at work is all about online shopping when the boss is away and facing down piles of frosted cookies arrayed at three-foot intervals.

In fact, it is more than that. This is the perfect time to reconnect with those who have been helpful to you in the past - and who may be so again in the future, says Lindsey Pollak, a career writer and speaker in

Manhattan

. And though many people know the value of reconnecting, few actually do anything about it.

The holidays provide "carte blanche to get in touch with anyone," Pollak says, even if "you haven't spoken in 100 years."

This certainly is easiest to do if you have no immediate request for help. You can send a card or e-mail offering thanks for help given in the past and reporting what you're up to now, offering wishes for a happy holiday season and saying you would love to stay in touch - say, coffee or drinks after the first of the year when the pressures of the season are over. And if you think it's appropriate, consider issuing an invitation to holiday events you think they might enjoy.

Don't forget that this window of opportunity extends into the New Year. Duffy Spencer, a business communications coach and corporate trainer in Westbury, sends out Happy New Year fliers the first week of January - when they won't be competing with December's incoming flood of party invitations, Christmas cards and holiday catalogs.

Of course, reconnecting is much trickier if you want to ask for help from someone with whom you've lost touch. It's tempting to pretend you're calling to offer wishes for a happy holiday - and then sneak in the request for a job lead or reference. But people can see through the charade, says Lucy Rosen, president of the Business Development Group, a marketing and public relations firm in Garden City.

She says people generally resent setting up a how-are-you-doin' meeting only to have you "show up with an empty pad and pen asking, 'Who can you tell me to call?' " It's better to bite the bullet and be up front about what you need.

Spencer suggests opting for the "open agenda" approach: Start by saying you're sorry you have not done a better job of staying in touch - a move that, she says, "asserts your right to make mistakes" - then explain that you're calling now to ask if a reference might be possible. Of course, you should indicate that you hope to reconnect and offer support in the future. And wrap up the conversation with a wish for a happy holiday.

Pollak says that if you want to reconnect with several people, start with the nicest one first, a move that will "set yourself up for success." If a long time has elapsed and your initial relationship was not a close one, she says sending a request in an e-mail would be a better choice.

And because this is the season for giving, it's wise to take stock of how giving you've been - not only to those with whom you're looking to reconnect, but to others as well. Could it be that you are what Rosen calls "a taker" - always in asking mode? If that's the case, boy, do we have a New Year's resolution for you.

It may be time to reflect on how much help/support you've received this year and compare it to how much you've given. Then, be on the lookout for resources you can share with others. "Listen well, think about where the match could be," Spencer says.

You can avoid the anxiety of having to reconnect and ask for help, she says, if you "always understand the nature of reciprocity."

Giving genuine thanks in the work world

"Keep your network close," says Lucy Rosen, president of the Business Development Group, a marketing and public relations firm in Garden City. You don't want professional contacts to feel valued only when you need them - but to "feel valued even when you don't need them."

Yes, it can be a challenge to pick up the phone or send a note on a regular basis. But Duffy Spencer, a business communications coach in Westbury, reminds us of the important thinking in Stephen Covey's longtime bestseller, "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People": We make a big mistake in focusing only on what's urgent to the detriment of what's important.

With that in mind, consider the following.

If you're new to the work world and never really thanked those who helped you get your first job, this is a perfect time to do so. Send a holiday greeting and personal note to people such as your coach in the college career center, friends of your parents who set you up with interviews, a professor who gave great guidance, says Leslie Malin, a life coach in Woodstock, N.Y., who also operates the greeting card Web site winterwonderlandcards.com.

If you received great training or support on an earlier job, send a greeting to your former supervisor, suggests Malin - something like, "At the time I didn't realize how much you influenced me. But now that I'm a manager, I find myself patterning myself after you. I never thanked you properly and I want to do so now."

Steer clear of cards or e-greetings that carry religious messages or those that could be construed as offensive.

Copyright 2006 Newsday Inc.

What If It Was Easy?

Recently Lorna McCloud, the lead coach of John Eggen's Program, Mission Marketing Mentors, of which I am a participant as well as an intern coach (more about that in another post), responded to list of my seemingly endless "to-do's", projects, meetings and obligations, wrote me an email that asked, "What if it were simple? What if it didn't need to be a struggle?". 

Those questions stopped me dead in my tracks. What would "it" (my business, project, life) be like if it were simple? What would that look like? What would that feel like? I realized that it was unimaginable. On an almost cellular level I believe that it couldn't be simple, that would be too simple; that would be not worth my involvement; that would mean that "it" had no value. Wow, now that's quite a realization. My belief creates the complexity, the struggle, the overwhelm, the sense of scarcity - all of it.

So, if my belief can create that kind of "too much" experience, can't I change my beliefs so that I create a sense of simplicity. Can I shift my belief that simple = stupid, simple=superficial, simple=not worthy of doing? I don't know if I can undo a lifetime of belief building. But, I am going to give it a chance.

Now I need to create the vision of what "simple" might look like. I am not there yet, but I am working on it.

Perhaps you can write and tell me what you think about this "what if it were simple" thought.  What do you believe? If you are further along on the path than I am, please share your journey - we all need your wisdom.

Attachment and Suffering

All unhappiness is caused by attachment.

The Buddha

 

If this book that I am writing is about anything - it is about our attachments and how they cause suffering in the form of self-accusation, blame, denial, aggressiveness or passivity in "just giving up". "There is nothing I can do about this. I'm a victim. I have to pay the mortgage. What else can I do, I'm over fifty and praying not to get fired."

 

In an article I read by Robert Ringer in Early to Rise (www.earlytorise.com) he quotes the Dalai Lama:

""The Dalai Lama explains that Buddhism sees the major dividing line between sentience (consciousness) and non-sentience as the interest in the alleviation of suffering and the quest for happiness. This phenomenon is tied to the Four Noble Truths that Buddha taught in his initial sermon:

Noble Truth No. 1: There is suffering.
Noble Truth No. 2: Suffering has an origin.
Noble Truth No. 3: The cessation of suffering is possible.
Noble Truth No. 4: There is a path to the cessation of suffering. "

 

Let's start with Noble Truth No. 1: There is suffering

Now, the fact that there is suffering is self-evident, right? Yet, most of us feel that it is unjust when we are made to suffer. Somehow, we believe that we are entitled to a life of non-suffering and we feel angry, betrayed, bereft, or devastated when we feel suffering. "It's not FAIR!" our minds scream, "After all, I am a good person, I work hard, I am honest…" And, no where have I heard that lament more than in reference to work and our places of work, and our bosses at work, and our co-workers, and our customers…" .

Have you sat at your desk, or stared into your coffee, or lamented to your friends that "it isn't fair", or "what is my purpose?", or "is this as good as it gets?". Sure you have – because at some time or another we all have.

Now to Noble Truth No.2: Suffering has an origin.

It does have an origin and the place of its beginnings is not outside of us and our control, but inside of us and within our control. Until we assume responsibility for the actions we take, the choices we make, and the paths we avoid because of fear and anxiety we will suffer. Yes, awful tragedies occur, malignant illnesses strike, tsunamis devastate, and we can lose our friends, loved ones, livelihood and more overnight. That's life. But what we can work towards changing is the way in which we react to these situations and to focus on how we can learn more, become wiser , and respond with compassion to ourselves first and then outwards towards others. And, finally stop rolling about in the muck of our victim-hood.

Perhaps you have read Paulo Coelho (one of my favorites), the author of the Alchemist, The Fifth Mountain and many other internationally renown books and articles. In the Fifth Mountain, and I am paraphrasing, he writes of an interaction. One man asks another, "What is the difference between the temporary and the everlasting?" And the response was, "The unavoidable is temporary". "And the everlasting?" the other asked, "The everlasting are the lessons we learn from facing the unavoidable." Now, I love that.

Noble Truth No. 3: The cessation of suffering is possible.

All the tragedies and sorrows of life are unavoidable, but they pass. We then have the choice of either clinging to them or making them an ongoing and never-ending part of our sorrowful history or, we can look for the lessons they hold for us, we can gently and honestly look at our real feelings, fears, beliefs and demands and learn to let go of our attachment to all of them. And, most importantly I think, of our attachment to our belief that we are in charge and all-powerful, that change doesn't occur unless we concur and that life is supposed to be fair and have happy endings. And if the current movie of our life doesn't seem to be heading for a happy ending then we are entitled to our disengagement, our lack of will, our complaints and our staying stuck.

Meeting Yourself on the Way to Work is about meeting your suffering, despair, boredom, apathy, grandiosity, greed, selfishness and acting-out at work and turning them around.

Until you meet those parts of yourself - really embrace that they belong to you, and are a product of your thoughts and beliefs can you learn to engage in work and your life in creative, responsible, conscious and empowering ways despite the "unavoidables". And, once you begin to let go you begin to cease suffering.

Now, in all honesty, I can't tell you that I don't ever suffer. That would be a lie and absurd. What I can tell you is that through much suffering, bemoaning, failures and disappointments that I am getting a little better at letting go of the false beliefs I have about myself and about how my life and work should behave. Little by little I have taken more responsibility for my creation of some of those events and my intention is to seek the lessons and finally to learn the lessons, because as Coelho so rightly saw, the lessons are everlasting. 

Noble Truth No. 4: There is a path to the cessation of suffering. "

Since I am not a confirmed Buddhist and am challenged to sit on that cushion, I am not proposing that that is the only route to ceasing to suffer. But, I am a student of many schools of thought – archetypal, Native American, Jungian, psychoanalytic, Jewish, and transcendental and my route is to take from all these wisdom traditions learning that help me become more honest than not, more responsible than defeated and more growing than shrinking. And, for me that path has opened new vistas, shown me more mirrors that I didn't want to but forced myself to look into; and offered more compassion for myself and others than I had before.

So, I am not telling you that I possess the knowledge that can keep suffering from your work and your life. What I want to share are ways of being, thinking, visioning and doing that can lessen the pain and bring in more light.

And, so we begin our journey together.